I love you so overly much I hemorrhage

If only I'd taken heed of Cheesday's artwork advice

2009-10-02T22:13:00.003+01:00

Surprisingly, eating copious amounts of mung beans isn't helping me vitality-wise. It just goes to show: you shouldn't believe the hype.

Lists ahoy!

2009-09-21T20:24:00.006+01:00

It is well known that I’m a moaner. I whinge about everything. :
Someone who is copying me
My fancy men being too thick to realise that they’re my fancy men
Mrs Gatenby
All school work ever
Palestine
People who eat meat
War
Feminism
Newcastle
Music which isn’t supercool
Nail varnish
My dad being a wally
Etc....
But I have a new plan. What if I stopped whinging and realised that actually some things are lushness incarnate? Wouldn’t that be something to write home about? Crazy times, I know. So, here is a round up of all things good to brighten your life to the max.

1. Cardigans. Cardigans are so cool. Warm day that might get cold? Cardigan. Cold day that might get warm? Cardigan. It sounds stupid, but I actually love them. You can tie them round your shoulders and pretend that you’re a preppy American – japes unbound. Or, if you really want to mix things up, you can button them the wrong way. This method has split the nation. One view is that it makes it seem like your life is just so busy and filled with fun you don’t have time to put the right button in the right button-hole. The other view is that you’re channelling a gormless kindergartener. But, y’know, both portray you as really stylin’ so there’s not much to worry about on that front.

2. Getting stupid words into general circulation.
i. Lush
ii. Stylin’
iii. Cuwel
iv. Japes
v. Yay 4evz [two words, but no-one cares]
vi. Soz roc [also two words- get over it]
vii. Jeez
viii. Basoomas
ix. Sexform
x. Peehsees
There’s many more but I don’t want to go too far with this list because it will give away the next nice thing. So words... Hows about them? The main selling point of this selection is that, if you say them often enough, people pick up on them and it spreads across the world. For example, Julia ‘Babydoll’ Purivs said lush the other day. It rotted her soul to subconsciously admit how cool I am, but she was powerless to stop the word coming out of her pie-hole. Even better is when people say them to take the piss out of you but then it stops being ironic and is just part of their life [much like my love of Mcfly]. Yay words, yay.

3. Lists. How good are lists? Very-extremely. I totally inherited this off my mater. The best thing is discovering all of the fit as bullet points on Microsoft Word. Hearts, stars, smiley faces, pointy fingers, dashes, dots in various sizes... The list is endless. Woah, that was funny of me.

4. Chocolate dipped in a soya milk latte. Some people mock, but that’s because they haven’t experienced the wonder that is semi-melted chocolate and the slightly cocoa-ey taste that hangs about in the coffee. It’s a beautiful thing.

5. Chappsy bbz. English teacher to the stars. She’s my fave person ever. I love her. She’s the best. The stories about her cats, Natasha and Saskia will stay with me for ever. As will the question ‘who gives animals human names?’ Tuesday and I often imagine Chappsy bbz, Natasha and Saskia in amusing situations such as : At the theatre, strolling down the street in matching outfits, sitting around the table for afternoon tea, reading Thomas Hardy together... I could go on. These situations tend to end in tragedy when Saskia scratches Natasha in the face [based on fact]. Another reason for my Miss Chapman love is that she basically lets me get away with anything because I’m of an ‘arty temperament’. And she says ‘There is method in my madness’ all the time. Chappsy 4evz.

6. Patrick Wolf boys. Although often the bane of my life, these likely lads never fail to cheer me up. Do you spend most of your time applying your make-up, listening to electroclash, telling me how cool I am and putting a strain on my friendship with the Hammeister? If so you are probably a PWB. You might be Pulp boy, but probs not- that’s a special case.

7. Myspazz. Myspace was fun, wasn’t it? Let’s all stop ‘writing on each others wall’ and go back there.

8. High Bridge St- otherwise known as Supercool St, centre of the universe. High Bridge is mintage [eww, that’s not going on the word list]. Cheap vintage shops, RPM’s two for a fiver deal on records, getting scared by the patrons of the scuzzy pub who sometimes shout at us. Ahhh youth.

9. My year 7 buddy. Awwwwwww. I heart my buddy. She’s such a babe. She reads Jacqueline Wilson books and we share a love of Tracy Beaker. And she comes to drama club without me making her. And she always says ‘Hi’ to me. And she always laughs at my lame jokes. And she agrees when I bitch about Gatenby. And she complimented me on my two tone tights. I think I like her more than all of my other friends put together.

10. Tuesday, Eleanor, Venus and Elinor. I’m only friends with them because our first initials spell out STEVE.

Jeez, I'm so 100% happy now. I'll never whinge again.

A new low for the BBC

2009-09-09T17:45:00.005+01:00

What is this going as?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00mq30z/Clever_v_Stupid_Glamour_Models/

Like, seriously, who thought this was a good idea?

'We'll get some nerds, right? And make them compete with pretty girls in short dresses.We'll make the tasks as ridiculous as possible under the premise of testing their intelligence on more than academia. But really it'll just be so the nerds can look awkward and the girls can slip in a bit of tit action. We'll fix the rounds so it's a tense half hour, but then obviously the nerds'll win or people will realize how much we're taking the piss. It's going to be brilliant!'

And people wonder why I seem disenchanted.

Bla bla bla, exams are to easy, bla bla, I read the Daily Mail

2009-08-27T12:27:00.012+01:00

So, exam results are higher than ever this year. Could it be because teaching methods are improving? Don't be ridiculous, you immigrant-paedophile-lefty! It's obvz because exams are easier. So basically, my O level in food tech is representative of a lot more hard work than your ten GCSEs. That's why I'm qualified to write for this newspaper and make offensive generalizations about ethnic minorities.

Also, who wants to see my marks incorrectly documented in the never distasteful Journal Newspaper?

Double chins ahoy!

P.S. Check out that blatant hairstyle thievery. Back off, Hammy. I've been rockin' this look since year 5.

'Don't do to your mom what I did to mine'

2009-08-06T21:34:00.003+01:00

Who wants to hear something freaky-deeky?

I just had an argument with my mater about how I relate to my dad [I won't go into it- it's not very interesting] and just after I'd sworn at her and she'd stormed off to whinge at her friend over the phone, 'I Can Never Go Home Anymore'- the song that tells you not to piss your mum off or she'll die of a broken heart and it'll be your fault- by the Shangri-las started playing on my last.fm. Subliminal messages from a 60s girl group? Judge for yourselves with this lovely extended remix which is more or less exactly the same as the original.

I'll leave you with this heart warming picture of me and my mum back in the days before I discovered back-chat.

I'm off to apologise [even though I was totes right] and maybe get her to tell me where she's hidden the chocolate.

Preparing for an unfulfilling career

2009-07-28T21:29:00.005+01:00

My suit for 6th form came today. Dressing like a temp is an important part of the Church High experience because girls are only really cut out for secretarial work.

Mine's particularly stylish, obvz, but it does make me look about 25. The phrase 'waste of money' comes to mind. If last years upper sixth hadn't been so square and specifically asked for a stricter uniform [why?] I would have been able to spend the money on:

20 dresses from Breast Vintage, or
4 pairs of Office shoes, or
50 trips to the scinema, or
100 singles from RPM, or
20 albums, or
100 pots of Barry M Dazzle Dust.

[Yes, this is how I think of money. V capitalist.]

I hate you Gatsey bbz.

Ohemgee

2009-07-15T16:51:00.003+01:00

Well, this could be very long and heartfelt, but it's not going to be.

LATITUDE :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
[Patricia Whale slipped out there]

So, yeah, I'm going tonight. Smell ya later.

You'll find us all doin' the Lambeth Walk. Oi!

2009-06-29T16:04:00.004+01:00

I'm home! Did you miss me?

Some observations about London:
-People don't say 'thank you' to bus drivers.
-Vintage clothes are ridiculously expensive and terrible quality. I feel I've taken High Bridge St for granted. Soz Period Clothing Warehouse.
-The ratio of Ugg boots: brogues is much more acceptable than on Northumberland St.
-It rains glitter.

In other news:
[If you're not sitting down, it's advised that you do]
I'm wearing jeans. Woahhhhhhh. How late 2007 is that? I feel like a boy.

I could comment on MJ but I've got the compulsion to type an inappropriate joke, so I'll leave it there.

Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard, but I think oh, bondage, up yours!

2009-06-05T22:00:00.007+01:00

As Hammy will tell you [she noticed when I cyber bullied her about Starbucks], I'm on quite the moral high horse at the moment.
And the next topic up for the Sunshine's Insight Award is feminism. Or more specifically, the cornucopia of subtle misogyny that is the new series of Ladette to Lady.

'What's that Rosemary? There are working class young ladies who drink alcohol?!'
'Yes, Mrs Harbord, and not just a sweet sherry after dinner. They drink real and actual lager. Like real and actual men. The floozies.'
'Oh, Rosemary, we must gather them here at once to educate them in the important feminine arts of wearing pearls and sitting delicately.'
'Don't forget flower arranging. The most useful and contemporary of all.'
'You know, Rosemary, I hear some people say young ladies shouldn't be conditioned to simply look good on a gentleman's arm.'
'Madness! We'll have little girls growing up with aspirations greater than motherhood or nursing next.'
'And then who will press a gentleman's shirt?'
'Exactly, do these women think shirts will press themselves?'

Mrs Harbord hasn't quite got round to listening to any of that Riot Girrrl nonsense, yet.

Nothing happened in Tiananmen Square in June 1989

2009-06-05T21:51:00.003+01:00

Reveal the truth

An update on my thrilling life [it's just like Skins]

2009-05-31T17:58:00.004+01:00

Welllllll...

It was my birthday. Yay forever. And, as I'm a perfect example of capitalism at it's worst, I've spent almost all of my birthday money at RPM already on wonderful records such as:

and a watch that looks like it belongs to a man over 70. Because I so needed those

I got some cowboy boots. This is the look I'm channeling on ce moment:

I had to sift through an awful lot of unsavoury images to find that.

I'm now officially against 'Pret a Minge', as the coolios call it. Because McDonalds owns quite a lot of it and as many people who listen to my whining know, I'm hating McCruelty. Unfortunately, having a social conscience means that all of my so-called friends hate me and we're all in mourning for the artisan baguettes and the spicy falafel melts. We'll miss you.

I got sunburned in Newcastle [have you ever?], but only on one shoulder which is both goose and a bit unusual.

Apart from all of that superfun, it's been history revision go, go, go.

Did you know that The Balkans were often referred to as the 'powder keg' of Europe and that in 1920s America there was a Christian organization called the 'Anti-Flirt League' to try and stop those hussies from having short hair and listening to jazz? You do now.

Final fun fact: I said I wouldn't go to Leeds festival with Cheeseday because I didn't want to get piss chucked at me and now Patrick Wolf's playing. Honestly, my life's like a song by The Enemy.

That ramble was quite the roller-coaster ride of teenage craziness.

I'm possibly psychic

2009-05-18T18:44:00.004+01:00

It's the anniversary of Ian Curtis' death today, he was only 23. I found out at 11:50 last night when I was watching Control. Spooky.

"'No, he doesn't mean it — it's art.' And guess what? He fucking meant it."

R.I.P Ian Curtis. Sorry you lost control.

So.....

2009-05-14T20:08:00.003+01:00

Remember 'Coolest Person of the Week'? That was a well loved blogging institution of mine, wasn't it?
It's baaaaaaack. Yay forever.

The nominees are:
Nun Tuesday.

12 year old Alicia and her hatred of 12 year old me.

Hammy the gender-bender.

And the winner is....
Alicia and the evil in her eyes.

A/N Hammy came close to winning because her stupid msn photo sharing made this wonderful creation possible. Unfortunately for her, her stupid msn photo sharing meant I have done sans revision today and may have ruined my life. Soz roc, Hammy.

2009-05-13T19:27:00.003+01:00

I wore the biggest Zack Attack in jacket-form today.

A bit of sick just came up in my mouth. Is that even legal?

Team Wolf 4evz

2009-05-09T17:10:00.004+01:00

What's that? I happen to be the unbeaten champion of the infamous Physics quizzes? Well, I suppose you're right.
I continually triumph despite the quizmaster's blatant favouritism [she mouths the answers at the other competitors]

Okay, now nobody mention how terrifying the pressure makes me.

2009-05-04T20:12:00.004+01:00

I went to 'An Audience with Benjamin Zephaniah' in Hexam on Sunday, [ yes, I am aware how ridiculous Hexam and Benjamin Zephaniah look in a sentence together]. It was completley awe insipring. He's probably the one writer who has influenced me most in my life, I've loved his poetry since I was absolutley tiny. One of my most vivid primary school memories is quoting 'Civil Lies' when my teacher was trying to impress her ridiculous colonial views onto young minds: 'Do not say

That columbus discovered me,

Check the great things I was doing

Before I suffered slavery'

Take that Miss Male [I only recently realised how funny a name that is].

I was going to post my favourtie poem by him, but it's superlong so here's a short one:

Anti-Slavery Movements

Some people say

Animal liberators are not working in the inrest of animals.

But I've never seen liberated animals

Protest by going back to their place

Of captivity.

But then again

I've never heard of any liberated slaves

Begging for more humiliation

Or voting for slavery.

Animals vote with their feet

Or their wings

Or their fins.

Here he is with his mum, because he's a nice boy [51 year-old man]

And here's his website. Gosh, I'm so internet savvy.

We're undefeatable, quite unbeatable, so give three cheers for the old Church High

2009-04-28T20:13:00.006+01:00

I haven't been on the internet for ages. I could say it was because I've been revising superloads but that would be a lie and the Virgin Mary would weep.

Anyway, religious guilt aside, I've finished my drama portfolios, ergo, we'll never have another GCSE drama lesson again.

Here we are in the worst quality picture ever. [Not too sure about the purpose of the umbrella, we might be doing a 'Friends' pastiche]

Ahhh look at all the non-PC fun we used to have:
Kim: Well, if a foreign army walked into my town and started arresting my family, I might just get the hump.
Chris: What are you talking about, foreign army?
Kim: That’s what we are!
Chris: Only to them.
Kim: Yeah, ‘cos it’s their country!

I'll never have another RS or French lesson either, but I'm not as grief stricken about them.

Continuing with 'The Church High, the Church High, always the best and here's why...' theme, Mrs Gatenby would faint if she knew this was how we spent our extremely informative Film Studies day. I think it proves that Skins really is a true representation of teenage life.

So guess what...

2009-04-16T15:56:00.005+01:00

I hate 'Far From the Madding Crowd'.
My notes are just pointing out the blatantly obvious.. 'Gabriel Oak is study and dependable, he's grounded- Hardy shows this with the reference to trees'. I feel like I'm in Year One or something. We all know Troy's a horrible person, do I need two pages detailing this? Apparently I do.

On the plus side I'm getting my hair cut like it was when I was 8. Blud don't make me get old school. I am so street.

I wish Tuesday still wore dungarees. It was a good look for her.

I have stooped to an all time low collage-wise

2009-04-13T02:38:00.008+01:00

On Saturday night I went to the cinema to see

Ahhhh

Worryingly, I'm like totally crushing over the lead boy. It's all a bit paedo

Yes, that's right. I am in love with a twelve year old Swedish boy who lives in the early 1980s and has a scrapbook of murder-related newspaper articles.

As Tuesday would say, 'Is that even legal?'

'Oh Natasha...

2009-04-10T17:47:00.004+01:00

All I can do is write a song for you.'

Well, I can't but Rufus Wainwright certainly can.

I bought the new 'Bat for Lashes' album today
Apparently 'Daniel' is about the boy from 'The Karate Kid'.

I have come to the conclusion that I love Natasha Khan so overly much I hemorrhage. Yes, a lot.

Dear Baby Jesus

2009-04-08T20:15:00.004+01:00

Why do you hate me? Is it because I don't believe in you?
Perhaps if you told the internet to let my buy Patrick Wolf's new single I would open my heart to your light.
Love Sunshine

Dear Internet,
Please stop telling me the Pure Groove website is a dead link. I'm not even clicking on a link.
Love Sunshine

Dear self.
You should probably focus your letter writing on something more tangible.
Love Sunshine

EDIT: Baby Jesus just answered my prayer. It's an Easter miracle. So thanks bbz [amen]

My favourite sea creature

2009-04-07T16:43:00.002+01:00

Today I was emptying all of the rubbish for my photobucket [because I have no life] and I unearthed the wonders of:

The Piglet Squid!

When we discovered this it was an internet sensation. With about 10 girls in one school.
Happy days.

2009-04-07T02:01:00.002+01:00

I watched 'To Kill a Mockingbird' again tonight.
It made me cry like a group of gal pals watching 'The Notebook'
I had forgotten what a pin-up Gregory Peck is:

And how much I want Scout's hair.

I would also like a brother as nice as Jem, but that's really a different issue

Today

2009-04-05T20:43:00.003+01:00

I made a new friend on Omegle [http://omegle.com/].
Here is our conversation in full:

You: Hello
Stranger:hi
Stranger: bum sex?
You: nahh, you're alright.

I suppose we must be bffs now.

P.S.

2009-04-05T02:27:00.003+01:00

I am very jealous of this girl.
http://tavi-thenewgirlintown.blogspot.com/

When I was her age [admittedly only three years ago] I thought New Rave was the next punk and I was in love with Jet Storm from Trash Fashion.
He looked like this:

What a stud.
I still know all the words to 'It's a rave, Dave'. That song is like the screen-saver to my brain.

The coolest person of the week

2009-04-05T02:21:00.001+01:00

I hope I end up like this woman one day

I might need to change my name the Genevive first.

Well... yes

2009-04-03T20:03:00.004+01:00

Hello.
This seems to be my first blog. I feel terribly behind the times.
Oh gosh, I have nothing to say for myself.

If I could go back in time I would would like to go back to 1930s America and meet a child star.

It would be nice to challenge my perceptions because in my head they all grew up and killed their more successful sisters.